7 Tips To Help You Get Over A Break-Up

Unrequited love is most often about one person being romantically attracted to another person, while the other person doesn’t feel the same way.

This can happen in two ways: one, either when there was no prior relationship, but also when you’ve been in a relationship and the other person broke up with you.

If the latter is the case, you might want to read Psychcentrals article How to Get Over a Breakup.

The author Nathan Files shares 7 tips to help you move on. I’m picked out three tips from the article that I find particularly worth elaborating on.

1. Make plans.

Social interaction is one of the keys to moving forward after a breakup. Isolation often leads to being consumed by emotions and thoughts that exacerbate our sadness and upset. Schedule plans in advance to see friends or family at least a few times during the week and weekends, especially if you live alone, and be sure to follow through with them. If you feel you don’t want to be around anyone, which can be common after a breakup, this is the time to act opposite of the urge. Push yourself to interact with people and prevent a pattern of loneliness and depression.

You’ve probably heard this before, but there is a reason why it gets repeated so often by so many people: because it’s true. Sometimes you have to push yourself to get out there with other people even if you don’t feel like it.

And yes, sometimes when you force yourself to “be social” like that, it won’t feel good even while you’re out with people. Oftentimes you’ll feel like all these interactions are empty and meaningless, and sometimes you’ll be painfully reminded of the person who left you. But still, it’s important to engage in social life so that you don’t get hung up on a breakup depression.

4. Keep up daily self-care routines.

It is also important to remember to take care of your daily needs when dealing with a breakup. Go to the gym, jog, swim, walk, cook, etc. Some may feel less motivated to grocery shop, prepare meals, eat, or shower after a breakup. These may require some extra effort at times, but push yourself to continue your daily routines as before.

Again, this might seem like commonplace advice, but it’s extremely important too, and that’s why I want to stress this here.

Never let one crisis be the cause of additional crises. You’ve got enough emotional turmoil on your plate already. Make sure that life goes on. There are two ways into which you can continue from here. You can either escalate the problems and make things worse, or you can get your life together and move on.

In the short term it often feels like letting yourself go is the right thing to do – but it would only hurt yourself if you followed that urge. Instead, go against your natural tendency and take good care of yourself.

6. Set a daily time limit for grieving.

Each person grieves a loss differently. There is no actual time limit for grieving. However, there is a difference between healthy grieving and dwelling in regret and sorrow. Some could spend months consumed by guilt and sadness if we allow ourselves to.

As we move forward, it is still important to acknowledge our pain and other emotions we may feel as the result of a significant breakup. Set a time each day that you will allow yourself to reflect, feel, and process your relationship loss. Setting a timer is helpful for this. I would recommend no more than 20-30 minutes a day, and have an activity scheduled to immediately follow this time.

I don’t agree with this – “grieving on the clock” really doesn’t work from my experience. But he makes a very good point in this tip, and I’m going to get to this. But I just can’t imagine someone setting a timer and sitting there grieving for 20 minutes and then jumping out of it.

But it’s a good idea to set aside time each day to specifically deal with the emotions of your breakup. A lot of people kind of “just let emotions hit them” and try to avoid the topic when they can. Don’t do that.

All the grieving and sorrow and pain – you got to face it. And you have to work your way through it. Don’t be passive about it. Schedule half an hour every day to engage in some activity specifically to deal with this. This could be such a thing as writing down your feelings in a notebook, expressing your emotions in paintings or music, or even talking to yourself in front of the mirror about your breakup related emotions.

Most people just let their feelings roll over them. They are mere recipients of their emotional experiences.

Don’t do that. Work with your emotions. Deal with your feelings. Take time for introspection, even if it hurts and is painful.

Avoidance gives you deceptive comfort. Deceptive because it may make things seem less painful now, but it will lengthen and worsen your emotional state.

And most important of all: know that you have what it takes to get over this breakup. And you have what it takes to create a happy and fulfilled life, even if right now you don’t see this possibility. But it’s there – believe in it and pursue it. It’s worth the struggle.

 

Unrequited Love Song by Bright Eyes: It’s cool we can still be friends

This is another unrequited love song, and it’s titled: “It’s cool, we can still be friends”.
I think the title already makes it pretty self-explanatory what the group Bright Eyes had in mind when they wrote it.

And here’s the lyrics:
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it’s just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it’s just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it’s just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I’m lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering
But you’re at the bar, or at Gene’s

And we go to dinner, but you won’t hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don’t play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don’t sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don’t share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don’t share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don’t lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you’ll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I’m only there so that you’re not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I’ve hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let’s contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn’t there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time
So I’m pouring some whiskey, I’m gonna get drunk
Yeah, I’m pouring myself some whiskey, I’m going to get really fucking drunk
I’m pouring some whiskey right now, I’m going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up.

You can also browse other unrequited love songs.

Unrequited Love Song: 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle

Here’s another unrequited love song, this one by A Perfect Circle. It’s called 3 Libras

And here are the lyrics:

Threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back,
A name in your recollection down among the millions there:
Difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed,
And passed over
But I look right through see you naked but oblivious…
But you don’t see me
But I threw you the obvious just to see if
There was more behind
The eyes of a fallen angel eyes of a tragedy
Here I am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded
But I see, see through it all
See through
See you
Cause I threw you the obvious to see what occurs behind
The eyes of a fallen angel eyes of a tragedy oh well
Oh well apparently nothing apparently
Nothing at all
You don’t see me
You don’t see me at all

You can also browse through other unrequited love songs.

Unrequited Love Murder in Bangalore

There’s a sad story from Bangalore, India.

It’s about Ravi Rana Singh, the ex-lover of Aparna V, a 21 year old woman. The two studied together in college, but then separated. He was still in love with her when she broke up with him, and even once slit his wrists because he said he couldn’t live with her.

One day he came to her house and saw another man in there, Aparna’s new lover. He came back with a knife, forced his way into the appartment and killed the new lover.

He also attacked the woman, and then ran away. They later found his body lying on the ground, he probably jumped in an attempt to kill himself.

Unrequited love is such an intense emotion – it can make people lose their mind. It can drive people to hurt others and themselves, make them suicidal and even turn them into murderers. Obviously Ravi Rana Singh was insane at the time when he did this, overcome by grief and rage.

Unfortunately, this is just one of many unrequited love stories that happen every single day in the world.

 

Unrequited Love Movie: He’s Just Not That Into You

He’s Just Not That Into You is a charming romantic unrequited love movie from the year 2009, starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Kevin Connolly, Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson and Justin Long. Watch the trailer for a quick impression:

The main character is a woman who always misreads the signals that she gets from men. Meaningless and mundane actions and comments from men turn into signal of romantic interest – at least in her own mind. The way she overreacts to a simple smile is really funny – the only thing of course is that when the guy doesn’t call her and doesn’t make a move, she gets very upset. She always gets her hopes up high and is convinced that a man is interested in her – even though that is clearly not the case.

Finally she befriends a bar keeper who tells her what’s going on, and that she is simply making the mistake of reading too much into what men communicate with her.

But the nice thing about this unrequited love movie is that it’s a multi-plot movie. So it’s not just the story of that girl, but there are more unrequited love stories of other couples that are also intertwined into the movie – and that is one reason why there are so many big name movie stars playing in this movie.

If you are looking for light, happy-ending Hollywood kind of entertainment and just need a bit of cheering up, something that can put a smile on your face when you suffer from unrequited love, this movie is a good choice.

Check out other unrequited love movies too.

Unrequited Love Movie: The Story of Us

The Story of Us is another great unrequited love movie, featureing Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer.

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It’s about a married couple that discovers after 15 years of marriage and two great kids that somewhere down the road their love vanished.

They have a house and a nice, comfortable life – but they just don’t feel for each other anymore.

I don’t want to spoil the ending here, but it’s a movie you’re gonna love if you’ve been in a relationship where a partner loses the spark…

Unrequited Love Movie: Blue Valentine

This is a beautiful unrequited love movie about Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy Heller Pereira. They’re a married couple, so where’s the unrequited love in that? Well, we’ll get to it 🙂

Dean never really thought that he’d become a family guy, but he fell in love at the first time he saw his future wife Cindy. They marry and have a kid together. But both of them come from dysfunctional families, and over time trouble unfolds.
Dean works as a painter and likes this job, because it’s an easy life – he can drink a beer in the morning and still do good work. Cindy works as a nurse, but she believes that Dean doesn’t live up to his full potential. This is the root of the unfolding conflict.
I don’t want to go into too much detail and spoil anything here – but let’s just say this movie is not about unrequited love that never happened, but about unrequited love after a long relationship, when one partner decides to break up and the other one is still in love and wants the relationship to work out.

If you have ever experienced this situation, where two people have shared their lives together for many years, and then one person decides that this isn’t working anymore and wants to move on, you’ll recognize a lot in this movie. It’s a great movie, written and directed beautifully by Derek Cianfrance.

It can be tough. Imagine you made someone part of your life. Over time, this person becomes a part of you – your lives become intertwines, the boundaries between the two of you fade and “you” isn’t what it used to be once. “You” isn’t just you – it’s you AND the other person.

And then one day you break into two. Because this part of you doesn’t want to be a part of you anymore. What do you do? Do you just accept it? No, you try to fight to make it work. You try to talk about it. You promise to change. You try to change. Maybe you even will change. But will it help? Or is it too late already?

And what if there are kids involved? That can make it even more difficult, because nobody wants a young child to go through the trauma of their parents separating. But nobody wants a child to grow up in a dysfunctional family either, where they learn about what family means in a wrong way.

Blue Valentine is a very touching, deep, sensitive, funny and sad unrequited love movie all in one. Great actors, great scripts, great scenes.

This Broken Heart Lyrics by Something Corporate

You woke up, in pieces
From making these changes
And holding the ransom, won’t write you an anthem
On the outside, I’m trying, cause inside, I’m dying

This broken heart was stronger then
Now I cant stand to part with this
This broken heart

You took me for granted
Now I’m changed, you haven’t
It wont be so easy to sell me this feeling

This broken heart, was stronger then
The words I wish you never meant
This broken heart

Can’t make this right, you see on my face,
That I’m not gonna be alright, not tonight,
You can read all my letters, but that won’t mean things are fine,
Not this time, cause you gave away all the secrets of you and I

This broken heart, was stronger then
Now I cant stand to part with this
This broken heart, was stronger then
The words I wish you never meant
This broken heart

Unrequited Love Movie: The Break-Up

The Break-Up is a wonderful unrequited love movie. It’s not the overly romantic one, but more of an adult version about a married couple that broke up because of… well, all the little things that can tear a marriage apart (including daily fights).
But when they break up, they can’t agree who will get the fancy new condo that they’re sharing. So they both stay as hostile roommates who try to play all sorts of wicked and evil games to get the other person to leave the condo.
I love this movie because it’s funny without being cheesy, and you can have a good laugh. At times, it can be a bit too serious, but the same is true for real life. Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston are great actors who really get into their characters.
And in the end… well, you have to see the movie for yourself if you want to know that.