How To Fall Out Of Love With Someone

If you are in love with someone doesn’t love you back, even though we tried already to make him or her fall in love with you, then it’s time on. But even if you physically move on, it’s a lot harder to emotionally move on. This is what I want to talk about it in this article. How you can emotionally detach yourself from somebody and basically how you can fall out of love with someone.

Also, at the bottom of this site there’s a video from Dr. Paul Vehorn, where he talks about how to fall out of love.

Pieces To The Puzzle

I’m going to share different techniques with you that will help you to fall out of love, and it’s important that you realize that not one of these techniques alone is powerful enough to end your affection for that person. But if you combine them together they will create a powerful momentum that will help you to get over that person and move on with your life to find your way back to happiness

The Anti-List

The first technique that I want introduce you to is to just take a piece of paper and pen and make a list of all the things that you do not like about the person. Make a list of every time that person make you feel bad in some way. It doesn’t matter whether it was the person’s fault that you felt that or not, just make that list. Write down every little thing about that person that you don’t like. Even if it is just a T-shirt that he or she likes to wear that you think is terrible. It doesn’t matter. You really want to go for the details and visualize all these things.

Again, I know that this technique might seem silly for you. You might say: “Oh that is never going to work!”

You are right. On its own it’s not going to work. But combined with other methods and techniques, it will work. It’s the combination of many small elements that makes the whole system work.

Eliminate Reminders

Another thing that you want to do is that you actually remove the things from your life that remind you of that person and that you also avoid contact with that person. Even if you are on any kind of social networking site and you are a friend on the social networking site than just delete that friendship online, because you don’t always want to be reminded of that person and receive notifications and messages of what that person is doing right now. That is torture, and it’s keeping you attached. At one point later in life you might decide you want to establish contact again.

But for, now to end your suffering is important that you avoid contact with that person. It is also important that you avoid things that remind you of the person strongly. So for example if you have pictures of you and that person then put them in an envelope and stack it in a book where you can’t see them. I know that when you are deeply in love with someone almost everything kind of reminds you of the person. But still there are things that remind you more of that person that others and just get rid of the ones that remind you of the person the strongest.

Stop Comparing

You’re probably also comparing other people to the person. And you probably see all the ways in which other people can’t measure up to that person. They are just not him or her enough. Nobody is, except for that one person. You need to stop that. It’s not that everyone else is less perfect for you, just that your perception and your idea of this person is highly idealized right now, and you apply a filter to everyone else and compare them against the idealized image, and thus nobody can measure up with them. Just stop. Next time you compare someone to that special person, just remind yourself and really say to yourself: “stop, don’t do it!”. And then look for something in the person that you admire you and that you think is great.

Be Busy

Also do not sit at home and think day and night about that person. Instead keep yourself busy and be engaged. I know everything you do can seem meaningless and empty at this stage in your life, but it still is important that you become engaged, become busy. Because it will help you to move on. There are going to be many moments where you feel like: “What am I doing here? All this stuff doesn’t matter. There’s only one thing that matters and I can’t have that.” It’s okay to feel that way, in fact, part of the recovery process. Just focus yourself back on what you’re doing, find activities that might be a little bit more meaningful to you.

There’s a lot more to how fall out of love with somebody and again, these are just some pieces to the puzzle, some elements of the whole machinery. To make it all work you need to live in a systematic way to get a so that you can get the strength to move on and enjoy happy life. That is why I created the Unrequited Love Advisor for you. A systematic way falling out of love with someone and moving on with your life on your way to happiness.

Here’s also the video I promised you on how to fall out of love:

And here is another video on how to get over a breakup:

And one more video about how to get over heartbreak by Joe Cuenco, author of “Married for 5,000 Years”:

You might also want to check out (these are all external websites that open in a new window):

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy August 23, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Hi, I read this article. I will try it again because previously I did almost all these things. I thought I was over him. He moved to another country. anyway. But when he came back , all my feelings came back too. As if nothing had happened. So I don’t think it will work. It’s just like you put him into a small drawer in the back of your mind. You forgot about it, but it’s still there.

Friend September 10, 2011 at 11:49 am

Hi Amy,
thanks for your comment. Please allow me to invite you to another way of looking at this: it’s not that it’s “still there forever”. And it’s also not that it’s “gone forever”. It’s a work-in-progress. Just like maintaining your physical and emotional health is. For example, someone who wants to loose weight must not just do some diet to get rid of the weight – they have to do things every day to not gain that weight back again. Doing things like exercising, eating healthy foods and restricting their calorie intake. If they do these things, they don’t have a weightloss problem.
And you can look at unrequited love in a similar way: if you love this guy, your love is still there. Just forgetting him probably won’t work. I once was deeply in love myself with a girl, and I have never forgotten her. But I can think to her now and not feel sad or negatively affected. But that’s not the result of an exercise I did once, or twice, or x-number of times. It’s because I do what it takes for me to be genuinely happy and fulfilled, even without her. And that allowed me to get into a position where I finally don’t need to look at lists, eliminate reminders or stop comparing and so on. But if I’d feel unrequited love coming back, I’d do something that helped me before a little bit.
I also found that what worked best for me in the long-term was unrequited love hypnosis. You can try it for yourself – the link is in the upper right corner of this site. The thing is: keep in mind that you want to find something that helps *a little bit*, and then do it regularly. It’s kind of like training yourself. If you want to build up muscle for example, it’s not enough to go to the gym for a month – sure, that will make you more muscular, but if you stop going afterwards, the muscles will fade away again.
I hope this helped you – the main point really is, to look at it as a process that you have to keep working at. Sometimes you might encounter that the same feelings hit you again – and then you just get yourself together and do what it takes to feel better.

:( October 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Sorry if my english is not good enough. Im from Latin America lol. I have been in love with a girl for about 3 years she rejected me and started a relationship with another guy, i cut all contact but i still miss her alot altough it have been like a year and a half since i cut her of my life, sometimes i see things about her in facebook but i blocked her even ther and his boyfriend and even the family of the boyfriend! but the problem is that Im still in love and I dont know what to do

Tim from Unrequited Love Help October 23, 2011 at 4:26 am

Hi,
thanks for sharing your comment, your English is fine, I can understand you very well.
I know that you can not just fall out of with somebody, and we can not just stop loving someone. But you can change the love you feel for this girl into something else – over time. Talk about it with other people, and also consider talking to a counselor who has experience in this topic already. For me listening to the hypnosis against unrequited love regularly also helped good. Write about your feelings, do the things recommended on this website.
Try to take many small steps every day and you will see that after some time you can get over her and be ready for someone else again.
Wishing you the best,
Tim

kiamo May 3, 2012 at 9:45 am

Hey, good tips here, all very logical steps to take to get over someone. However, what if you have to work with the person closely every day? And I am a kindergarten teacher, so I have to somehow stop the love I feel for our children seeping over to her when I look at her.

It really sucks, I asked her out when we first started working together, just to become friends, not for a date or anything. On the day she was hanging on my arm and generally being quite flirty, but I was having a really bad day and wasn’t very fun. Later, I wanted to make it up to her but she was cold from them on to me.

2 failed relationships, and 2 years later, these old feelings recently resurfaced and are torturing me again. I’m stable enough, but I’d really rather do without this pain.

Sometimes she will show me some warmth, but she is generally very cold to me. Having read your article, I can’t seem to shake the thought that perhaps I hurt her, way back in the beginning, and she is doing what she can to cut me out of her own life.

Probably just wishful thinking… It’s hard to stay objective with so much emotion crushing me. lol.

Anyway, thoughts? :)

Tim from Unrequited Love Help May 4, 2012 at 4:46 am

Hi Kiamo,
thanks for sharing your story here, that’s a tough situation.
It’s not easy to give an accurate opinion about it, because I don’t know her or you in person, but from the way you tell it, I’d say try to fall out of love with her as good as you can. If she’s been generally cold towards you for 2 years then my guess is that it’s not because she got hurt the first time, but because she’s not into you.
One thing I would do in your place is to just bring it up sometime. At the right moment, when there’s not a dozen kids around you, just say something along the lines of: “You know, sometimes I remember how I acted that time when we went out together, and it still nags at me that I was having a bad day and letting it out on you.” And see how she reacts. But I wouldn’t get my hopes up high for this one.
Love is a beautiful feeling, and it’s kind of unnatural do “undo” it – but sometimes to fall out of love with someone is the best thing you can do, so it frees you up for a better match.
Best of luck,
Tim

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