How To Get Over A Broken Heart
If you are looking for an answer to the question how to get over a broken heart, then read this. This is not the usual advice that you find elsewhere. It is not about stating that there are billions of people on this earth, and that there surely is someone right for you. This is not about telling you to share your feelings with friends or trusted advisors. This is not about listening to unrequited love songs, or just meeting friends and trying to have a good time.
All of this is surely well-meant advice, but it isn’t really helpful.
Because you will have to work your own way through things. But there is a powerful psychological technique that will make the whole process not only a lot easier, but also a lot faster. You can not – or better: you should not – avoid the emotions that are attached to your broken heart. Suppressing your feelings will do you no good – in fact, it will only make things worse in the long run and escalate the problem.
But you should not get stuck in your feelings either – and that is what happens to so many people. Because these feelings are so intense, they can’t handle them, they are totally overwhelmed and lose control of the situation.
And it doesn’t matter whether you are an emotionally strong or weak person – being broken hearted will make you feel weak no matter what.
So how can you regain your strength and emotional power? How can you find your way back to happiness? How you can resolve this misery?
Well, first of all, acknowledge that it is all about feelings. The fact that someone else doesn’t love you, or the fact that a relationship hasn’t worked out is not really the problem – the problem is how you feel about it, the emotions that you attach to that fact.
So you will have to work with these emotions.
But how do you work with emotions?
You don’t need to go to psychoanalysis and talk about your childhood traumata or about everything in that relationship. Because that in and of itself won’t help.
Instead, try to become aware of your feelings as exactly as possible. The sensation of being broken hearted – where in your body is it located? Where do you feel it the most?
Maybe the first time you try this, you have a hard time locating it. But start by telling: is it rather located in your left little toe or is it rather located in your chest?
For most people, the feeling will be located more in the chest than in the little toe.
And then compare it to another location – is it rather located in your right ear or in your stomach?
This way, you can start to find it step by step.
Is it a pulsating feeling, or rather steady? Is it moving through your body? Like rippled waves in a sea, or like rays moving through your body?
Feelings always have to move in some way, otherwise we stop to notice them rather quickly.
Try to track the movement of your feeling as closely as possible.
And if your feeling would have a color, what color would it be? Just imagine a color that you feel fits the emotion. Is it rather a bright yellow? Or red? Or orange? Or green? Or black? Or blue? Purple?
Maybe it’s a mixture of different colors.
And what does it look like? Is it a ball? A triangle? Rays? A circle? What is it’s shape? Does it have sharp edges, or soft and fuzzy ones?
This might all seem silly and pointless to you. But really spend some time and make the effort to identify and sense your feeling with as much clarity as possible.
If it would make a sound, what kind of sound would it make? Would is whizzle, swoosh, roar, whine, screetch, …?
Imagine your feeling in an almost cartoonish way, but so that it really matches how you feel.
This way, you will gain more and more control over it. And then, when you can sense your feeling really clearly, take charge of it and try to move it in your body in a different way.
For example, if it’s going around in circles, then turn the circling around the other way. If it’s going up real fast and then back down real slow, make it go up real slow and go down real fast. If it is moving around in your chest, try to push it into your arms and then back into your chest and then into your legs.
Play around with it a bit. Kind of like you would when you have a new toy. At first, it is difficult to excert control over it, and oftentimes the feeling doesn’t do what you want it to do, but if you keep at it, you become better and better at this game.
And then, finally you can send it out of your body. Just make it leave you. Tell this feeling goodbye, and even thank it for all the things it has taught you and wish it good luck. And when it leaves your body, look at what happens to this feeling. Maybe it sinks into the ground and gets absorbed by the roots of trees, who turn it into fresh oxygen that goes back into the air. Maybe when it leaves your body, it turns into a gas, that collects into a cloud and then falls down as rain and goes into a river that leads into the ocean.
Whatever it is – it leaves your body and serves another purpose in this world, this energy that has caused you so much trouble in the past.
It might sound silly – but it is super effective. Really work with it in a disciplined manner and you will see that things get better really fast and you can go back to leading a happy, fulfilled life without regrets.
Because in the end, it is really true: the world is full of wonderful things, great people and amazing adventures to be had. If you shut yourself down to all of it, you are doing not only yourself, but also the world itself a disservice, and you’re not living up to the responsibility that you have: to give and take as much joy as you can with the time you have on this planet.