My Unrequited Love Suicide Experience

I am sharing a lot of advice and tips here on getting over unrequited love and learning to deal with unrequited love. And this advice has helped a lot of people already. But I am not a psychologist or a psychoanalyst or a relationship counselor or some kind of therapist. So where does my expertise about unrequited love come from? It comes from my own experience.

Unrequited love caused me much pain and suffering. It brought me to the verge of suicide. I was in a deep black hole, emotionally tortured, constantly suffering, inflicted with pain through every fiber of my being. I thought the only way to end this suffering, the only way out of that black hole was suicide. I wanted to take my own life because of unrequited love. It was my darkest hour.

Sometimes I think that I have a guardian angel that came and saved me when I needed to be saved most. Because something held me back from doing that final step, that step from which there is no return. And it wasn’t fear. There was no fear of death that moment. I was far beyond that point. I was ready to go. I wanted to go. I desperately wanted it.

But that something held me back. Maybe it was a divine power, maybe it was some psychological mechanism that I do not understand, maybe it was fate working its way. Whatever it was I am deeply grateful for it coming into my life at that moment. Because I wouldn’t be here, sharing this with you, if it wasn’t for that something that saved me.

And things weren’t all rosy afterwards. I still felt love for the person. I was still in love.I still suffered. I was still in deep emotional pain and trouble. I still longed for something that I could never have: the love of the person that I loved so deeply. But something had changed. Some realization crept into my mind. Slowly, I started to see the light. Slowly, I opened my eyes again to the realities of my life. And I could recognize the deep black hole that I was caught in for what it was: a wicked illusion.

I realized that I had to do something about my emotional state, and the state of my life. And I realized that I could do something. Friends told me:”time will heal your wounds and ease your pain. Just let some time pass and you will get over it.”And I appreciate my friends for their well meant advice. But it just wasn’t true. Time will not heal your wounds. Only you will. And he will only do so if you do something about it.

That is why I created this website. To show you that there is something that you can do about it. And to help you do it.

My own personal story has a happy ending by the way. I found new love. And that you love even deeper. I found the love of my life. And I’m happy. And she is happy. Because we love each other. And in a way I am even grateful for my unrequited love to experience that brought me to the verge of suicide, because had I not gone through that experience I would never have met the love of my life, and maybe I would never have had the chance to experience the joy of a reciprocated love, a shared partnership, such a deep emotional bond.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Edith July 24, 2011 at 2:52 am

I am glad to hear your happy ending, but at the same time your story scares me. I am on the receiving end of the unrequited love. A married executive at my work has a big problem. I have been working here for several years, but I just recently realized that he has a really bad crush on me. He’s a very powerful man, but when he’s around me, he is not himself and it’s embarrasing for everyone around. I am happily married too and there is never going to be anything between us. He is trying very hard to stay away from me, even sending his secretary to meetings and lunch to represent him everytime I am involved. After reading your story, I am concerned about this. Is there anything that I can do to improve the situation? Nobody seems to give advise for the pursued one and I am at a loss. I feel bad for him to have to go through this, especially that he’s married with children. It pains me to think that his children might be negatively affected and I am the cause of it. I want to help him, but I don’t know if I can, sure don’t want to make things worse than they already are.

Thanks,
Edith

Friend August 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Hi Edith,
first of all, I think it’s important that you realize that you are not the cause of “it”. As long as you don’t encourage his behavior or get his hopes high, he is the cause of it, and probably the relationship with his wife is missing something.

Second – my advice is don’t do much at all. When you communicate with him, make sure that it’s professional and be conscious of the choice of your words, your tonality and body language. Make sure that the signals you sent out are clearly defining a purely professional relationship. The worst thing you can do is to make him hope. If the opportunity arises, you can talk with him in private about this issue – but don’t display that you care about him or his family too much, because that can backfire. Just make sure what you communicate is a definitely “no way”.

You’re not responsible for what he feels, and if you try to “fix it”, you might actually increase his attraction.

Also, be aware that my personal story was a very extreme example of unrequited love. I’d say for every such intense case, there are probably hundreds where people don’t consider suicide. If you are concerned that the man who has a crush on you is suffering so intensely that it makes him suicidal, that would be the only case where I’d recommend you to become proactive. (If that is the case, send me a message , as general advice like this on a public website isn’t the best way to proceed).
If the opportunity arises to talk about this issue with him in private, just make sure that you clearly communicate there is no chance. The worst thing is to give him any kind of hope.

Anthony August 10, 2011 at 3:53 am

Thanks for posting this… I stumbled upon your site from goolging “unrequited love” and “suicide.” I am going through it myself. Its happened so quickly… I’ve been a loner all my life and I never thought I’d care about anyone, but now I’ve found myself caring for someone that doesn’t love me. I feel like an idiot working my entire evening around one phone call… only to not recieve it. Its crushing. I’m disgusted and annoyed at myself for loving a “friend” that has no idea how I feel about her. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this, as I highly doubt anyone is going to read this. I guess I’ll be re-reading you entry a lot. I just don’t know how to cope because I don’t have any friends and my family doesn’t care about me. I have no one but myself to blame.

Tim August 12, 2011 at 4:59 am

Hi Anthony,
thanks you for sharing this, it takes some courage to be straightforward like this.
For now, focus on being strong. And by being strong I don’t mean trying to suppress feelings, or “act strong”, but to allow yourself to experience them and work your way through it. The sadness, the disappointment, the anger, whatever it is. I don’t know what helps you to do that – maybe it’s crying, maybe it’s shouting, maybe it’s running till your lungs feel they’re about to collapse or banging your fist against a wall, or writing about it, listening to songs… or maybe all of it, or something completely else.
But try to find some outlet to for all that negative energy.
If the people in your life aren’t the ones you want to talk about this, maybe consider calling 1-800-SUICIDE, or 1-800-273-TALK. I know it’s strange to make that call… but sometimes just talking with someone can provide a little bit of relief.
From the way you write I get the feeling that you actually have a strong character, and I hope you use that strength to work your way through this. Even when you feel like it’s all too much.
Be strong,
Tim

Mike September 30, 2011 at 4:47 am

I am going through this now. I spent a year helping a woman to get back on her feet. I got her work, offered her lots of support, helped her get her body back in shape, going hiking and things like that. Told myself I would not fall in love with her, and just be like a brother to her. But I ended up in love with her. I told her how I felt about her. She stated she didn’t feel the same. So I told her I could not talk with her any longer. She said she understood. But god, she had so many problems anyway. But I saw in her all the wonderful things she could not see in herself. And in my messed up head I played a movie of how wonderful our lives could be together. But I always knew that if she found someone else she would throw me away like yesterday’s newspaper and I’d never hear from her again. What an idiot I was. I should be glad she’s gone, because she still does have so many problems. But when you are in love, heh, it ain’t easy…….

Tim from Unrequited Love Help October 1, 2011 at 6:39 am

Hi Mike,
sorry about this. But don’t think you’ve been an idiot. You’ve done a great thing – you helped someone in need to get back on her feet. Focus on that, be proud about it. You’ve achieved what you set out to do (even when she still has many problems – we are all a work in progress). You impacted her life in a positive way. Keep doing that for other people, I really believe that ultimately it will come back to you.
It’s messed up that you fell in love with her, despite telling yourself not to, but this kind of stuff happens.
I’m not sure about this, so this is just a guess, but my feeling is that you don’t hold yourself in particularly high regard, and maybe think that she’s better than you.
Forget that. Most people don’t have what it takes to help a person the way you helped – they’re too comfortable and self-obsessed. But you’ve done it, and that’s awesome. You’re awesome, and I have confidence that you’ll get on your feet again, move on and find the right woman for yourself. Sometimes the silly movies we play in our heads inspire us to do a great thing. If reality turns out differently than the movie, we’ve still done that great thing and nothing can take that away.
Be strong mate,
Tim

Do it God's way... October 10, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Im 44, and male….I’ve been around the block. I’ve had my heart broken and have broken hearts. I’m no angel….but I’m not cruel either. The few hearts I have broken…..I tried desperately to make it as easy for them as I could…for I know the angst. With that out of the way….let me say….I doubt very seriously that most thoughts of suicide from unrequited love come from those who never had intimate sexual relations. There is a reason GOD tells us to not engage in sexual relations without a commitment. He is trying to protect us from angst of unrequited love. No seems to want to discuss this on these sites. Truth is….God tells us to not have sex before marriage….and there is a REASON. He made us to have these emotional feelings….to create that bond….so we would stick with each other and our children wouldn’t have to suffer, because of our selfishness. To make it short and sweet….if you don’t want a broken heart…don’t have sex without a commitment….you are made by a Creator….and the reason you hurt is because He made you to feel……..do it His way and you won’t get hurt. Think about it…..if we were just “evolved”….why would requited love hurt?

Tim from Unrequited Love Help October 11, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Hi 44 year old male who doesn’t want to write his name,
honestly, your reasoning doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. But I believe that everyone is entitled to his or her own beliefs and opinions, and obviously, yours come from a place where you want to help people. Maybe someone who reads what you wrote will relate better to it than me, so I’ll leave it at that and thank you for adding another perspective to this site.
Kind regards,
Tim

Ahmed October 11, 2011 at 8:55 pm

I stumbled upon this site too. I have been married for years but developed a huge crush on another woman just over a year ago. It really an emotional roller coaster – elation when she pays any attention to me; despair when she doesn’t. My hunch is that nothing will ever happen between us. She is occupying my thoughts all the time. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve tried counseling, to no avail. I’m hoping time will cause it to fade, but, so far, that isn’t happening. It has taken over my life; I have no interest in anything, each day seems like drudgery. She is not at all interested in me; she does talk to me to be polite but that is all. This has never happened to me before.

Tim from Unrequited Love Help October 12, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Hi Ahmed,
I’m sorry to hear that, I can tell that you’re in a lot of pain and that it’s really, really tough for you, even though you’re trying your best.
I think the first thing you have to do is to work your way through this step by step, and especially in the beginning it will be difficult and sometimes even seem futile. But keep at it and force yourself to stay at it with every bit of willpower and determination that’s inside of you.
Over time, all those small steps can carry you down a long way. I’m talking counseling, writing, talking, painting, singing, making music or whatever it is where you can express your feelings. Also, I’d try different counselors – I’ve worked with my own fair share of them, and I think a lot of them do a really crappy job, but every once in a while you might come across someone whom you can really relate to and who can help you to find your way out of this.
I’m sorry I can’t offer you a more powerful “method” of coping with this. But you strike me as a smart, educated guy who usually knows how to face a challenge. And the one thing I can tell you is that even when it sometimes seems like there’s nothing left – there’s still something inside of you that can help you overcome this and get back to a point where things matter and where life is beautiful. You might just have to keep digging deeper to get at it.
Wishing you that things will turn out good,
Tim

Rachael April 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

I’ve been in love with my friend for about five years. There aren’t really words to describe the pain I feel every day because of it. I finally built up the courage to tell her about a month ago, and simultaneously ruined our friendship and basically my social life in one blow (we have the same circle of friends). I’m on the absolute verge of suicide, I’m in the darkest of holes and can’t see any way out. I’ve ran out of hope for the future, which was basically the only thing keeping me going. Now that our friendship is over and I’ll probably never see her again, I’m lost, looking for hope, somewhere.

Friend April 10, 2012 at 5:28 am

Hi Rachael,
sorry that you’re in the midst of all this pain now. Believe me, hope will come from somewhere were you don’t expect it – all you need to do is to be strong enough to endure the pain till you find it. I’ve sent you an email too with some advice, and hope it reaches you well.
Be strong,
Tim

Kate April 11, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Its comforting to read all these stories because, even though they are all completely different to mine, the feelings described are exactly the same.
Ive been in love with one of my best friends for over 7 years now. The worst part is i didnt realise that what i had been feeling all these years was love until around this time last year. I told her how i felt last may, she was angry, disgusted. Yet she had led me on throughout the years. Stroking my legs in her bed, kissing me, even telling me she loved me! It was all just a bit of fun now i think about it. But unfortunately my feelings developed into this deep love i feel now. What hurts most, is she denies it all

Tim from Unrequited Love Help April 13, 2012 at 4:00 am

Hi Kate,
thank you for sharing your story here. I’m sure someone will read it who can relate to it, and it will comfort them and help them to better cope with their emotional pain. We can never know what makes a person do the things they do, but if she did that to you, if she treated you the way you wrote, then I wish you that you get over her as fast as you can. Sounds like she’s been using you to bolster up her ego and make herself feel good without caring about your feelings. And if she’s denying it, well, maybe she has unresolved emotional issues herself that she’s sweeping under the carpet that way, issues that she is afraid of facing? I can’t tell, and I think there isn’t much help in speculating. But I wish you from my heart that you find someone more worthy of receiving your love, Kate.
Shine your light,
Tim

Leave a Comment