Self-Esteem & Unrequited Love
Self-esteem and unrequited love are connected to each other. If you don’t feel loved, it is going to affect your sense of self-worth in many cases, and might make you feel inferior.
And the same is true the other way around: if you have a low sense of self-esteem, this could sabotage your chances in the game of love.
Let me tell you a story. This is the story of Susan. Susan is a real person; also her name is not really Susan.
Susan never felt loved by her father when she was a child. And like every kid, she yearned for that love, and the fact that she lacked the experience of feeling loved did have an impact on her self-esteem.
However, the years went by and Susan grew up, and she found ways to cope. She learned to keep on living her life without being loved by her father.
One day, she met John. And she really liked him. In fact, she fell in love with John. He was a handsome young man of good character. They were studying chemistry together, and John also took notice of Susan. And he liked her too.
One day he invited her to dinner, and things moved on step by step, until they were a couple.
But guess what happened when Susan started to realize that John loved her too? This was not unrequited love. It was both giving and receiving love.
Well, Susan still carried around her self-esteem issues inside of her. And for some reason, she didn’t feel that she deserved a good guy like John. In fact, she even thought that John probably made a mistake, and that it would just be a question of time until he’d figure it out and stop loving her.
But since she loved him, she wanted to make this relationship work.
However, she was so certain that she wasn’t worthy of John, and that John would get around to it sooner or later, that she had this constant anxiety that he’d leave her, that his love would fade.
And the only thing that could reduce that anxiety was he telling her how much he loved her. So she kept asking him again and again whether he still loved her or not.
In fact, she became kind of addicted to that reassurance.
And sometimes she did things just to see if he’d really still love her or not. And when they used to get into a fight, she’d always used to think: “Oh, this is it. Now he’s going to leave me.”
She used to yell at him, things like: “Just tell me if you don’t love me anymore!”
And she also got more and more jealous. Obviously a guy like John was desirable to other women as well, Susan was aware of that. And that jealousy also took its toll on their relationship. Even when John used to spend a relaxed night out with the boys, just having fun, Susan used to call him on his cellphone to check up on him. And when they were together again, she accused him of cheating on her, and put him in a situation where he had to defend himself and proof his innocence all the time.
Over time, all this wore down their relationship, and John finally had enough of it.
All the things he cherished and loved about Susan got diminished – and there were other parts of her that just destroyed all the beauty and joy.
They broke up.
So yes, Susan was right – things didn’t work out between the two of them.
But she was not right about the cause of that. It wasn’t because she wasn’t good enough. It was because of her behavior – which in turn was caused not because she wasn’t good enough, but because she believed she wasn’t good enough.
They might have had a happy relationship for many years, or even get married, if she didn’t have that constant feeling that he would leave her, and needed that constant reassurance of his love.
That is just one way how a low self-esteem can sabotage a relationship and end in an unrequited love.
In order to find better ways to deal with a low self-esteem, get the Unrequited Love Help Guide.