Unrequited Love – Moving On Or Trying Harder?

Coping with unrequited love is very hard. Loving someone intensely and not being loved back as painful and it hurts and it can be humiliating.

There’s one thing that can make it even worse. Maybe you are not sure which way to go from here. Maybe you think it’s best to just accept that the other person doesn’t love you, and to find a way to cope with that and move on forward. Trying to find happiness anyway, even without the person that you love so deeply.

But maybe you think that there still is a chance that that person might finally fall in love with you. Maybe you think that the person just gets to know you better, if the person really sees you for who you are that he or she will then also fall in love with you and that it’s going to be a love story with a happy end. Maybe that person is in a relationship right now already, and you think that his or her partner is not the right fit for him or her. Maybe you think that person is betraying the love of your life,

I know it’s a very difficult situation to be. Maybe you feel like your heart is being torn apart. And of course I cannot tell you what is the right decision to make, because both of these options are possible. And when it comes to love, when it comes to such an important thing for your emotional well-being and happiness, and maybe even fate, then you don’t want to just guess. And you shouldn’t just guess. It’s your life. And that is an important part of your life.

But let me tell you something that I don’t enjoy telling you, and you probably will not enjoy reading. Just the fact that you’re reading this right now means that it is much more likely a better way to just accept that this love is made to be, and that you should move on and find your happiness without the person that you feel for so deeply now. Sweet hopes and secret wishes will try to lead you astray. It is human nature: if we want something really bad, we are much more willing to believe anything that might be a sign that there actually is a possibility, a slight chance of us getting it. But if the other person doesn’t love you and you openly showing your feelings and you have tried to create some attraction, and you have share what’s going on, how you feel, what you hope for, what you wish for, and that other person still doesn’t love you, then please move on.

You’re not only torturing yourself if you cling to the love, if you are unwilling to let go of that hope. You’re also torturing the person that you love.

I know that when you are in unrequited love life can seem like a deep black hole. I’ve been there. And I never want to go back. I thought there was no way out. I even was at the point where I thought that the only way to end the suffering was to end my life. Only later was I able to recognize what a wicked illusion got a hold of me. Fortunately, I finally realized. I am happy now. I found a new love. And I love her even more deeply. And she loves me just as much. It’s happiness. And it’s there for you to take. But you have to let go of that love first, that is causing you so much suffering, before you can find the love that will make you happy.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Lailyn January 1, 2011 at 3:57 am

Does it hurt more to think that the person loved you, that they tried to create the attraction, show a bit of their feelings…but then in the end, they did not love you?
Or does it hurt more knowing that the person did not love you to begin with?

Alicia April 9, 2011 at 6:14 am

It hurt more in the end he let me go after showing some attraction

Gen Hutalla March 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

A first, it was a plain admiration or maybe I thought it was until the feeling stayed in my heart for almost seven years. I couldn’t deny the fact that I really love him. Maybe I was stupid but along the way I know he felt something for me. He doesn’t say anything like that though there are some times when he was sweet to me and makes me feel I’m special to him. That is the very reason why I cant seem to move on. But today, tonight is different. I finally realized that if he really likes me he should have courted me a long time ago and he didn’t. he didn’t even greeted me. It is my birthday today.

Tim from Unrequited Love Help March 18, 2012 at 1:31 am

Hi Gen,
wow, that’s a huge step forward after seven years. You probably sometimes will feel like you want to come back, but moving on to someone who is able an dwilling to express a clear romantic interest and with whom you can build a trusting relationship really is the better choice.
I wish you all the best of luck and love for your future,

Glen March 19, 2012 at 3:22 am

“knowing that the person did not love you to begin with” is what I pick, I guess.. from experience?

And about that experience…, I’d also like to confirm it so anyone here could help me. Is it possible to just suddenly realize later that you may have feelings or developed love for someone? I mean, I have this person whom I’m in a sort of “love-hate” friendship. We argue most of the time, we don’t see eye-to-eye most times… but even if he’s like that, he could be a really good friend at a moment when you’re really down. he’s frank, too harsh sometimes but that’s what I liked about the person. I sort of had this “respect” for him because of his attitude. But then I started getting a bit envious of him and felt like I wanted to challenge him on arguments etc. But sometimes, it feels awkwardly good to talk to him when we’re not arguing.. BUT then again, I sometimes feel that he doesn’t want to get too close to me, as if he had to be formal with me.. =_= we’re now apart and while recalling those memories, I sort of missed him and had a thought that maybe I had something for him.. I confirmed my feelings while imagining him and I in a relationship o.o it was weird. sometimes I liked thinking about it, sometimes I think, “Impossible! no way, we’re compatible because we always argue” afterwards, I’d wish that he had felt the same way too. but.. after a few years, found out he already has a girlfriend.. even saying that he’d invite us, his friends, after 7 years to their wedding… that hurt a bit. It was sad too for our reunion because he didin’t or we didn’t seem to have much to talk about personally… maybe he thinks of me as someone he never really shared some happy moments with.. maybe I’m just some person who he used to argue a lot with.. thinking in that way, it sort of broke my heart too. Knowing that there would be no chance with him after all, I felt free. Free from my tormenting assumptions, I guess.. hehe… still, after this long post, I still feel confused..

Tim from Unrequited Love Help March 20, 2012 at 6:12 am

Hi Glen,
thanks for writing this long post. Yes, I’m not surprised to hear you’re feeling confused – I could see in your writing that you weren’t clear about it.
It’s great that you felt free when you knew there would be no chance with him – and now you can focus of what’s ahead in the future, who will come into your life next. You’ve been mulling this over in your head for way too long, you’ve spent just too much mental energy on it.
Do you believe it’s possible to find someone who is a better match for you? Someone who can be a really good friend at a moment when you’re feeling down, someone it feels awkwardly good to talk to, but without the need to argue all the time? I think it is. It’s never easy to find the right partner, but it’s worth the quest 🙂
I wish you all the best of luck, wisdom and strength,

Randy March 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

She slept with lots of guys including my friends then tell me about it later, but wouldn’t sleep with me. I was her ‘platonic’ friend in her mind.

Tim from Unrequited Love Help March 26, 2012 at 6:03 am

Hi Randy,
ouch that’s painful. Move on, that girl isn’t good for you.

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