Unrequited Love Psychology

In this article we are going to look at the psychology of unrequited love. And I’m really talking about the scientific approach as online zine and trying to better understand how unrequited love works in our minds and our hearts and what it does to the person who experiences of unrequited love but also to the person that is being pursued. I hope that you will find reading this article useful and insightful, and if you can maybe gain some understanding that can help you. In this article I’m kind of reporting about the scientific findings that I could locate, and I’m also sometimes commenting on them. Because I do not necessarily agree with everything that is being said by the experts. I think sometimes they are research methods aren’t really accurate and there is quite a margin of error in it. However, I still think it’s worth familiarizing yourself with the opinions that scientists have about unrequited love because they do have a more systematic approach that is different from our individual reflection and can lead to different kinds of insights and understandings..

Unrequited love has been a subject of fascination in literature and arts and entertainment for a long while. It’s always been a part of human history. Countless poems about unrequited love have been written and published, and more are being written every day.

But it really systematic and scientific approach to studying the psychology of unrequited love, that is quite new. There hasn’t been much research on that particular topic in the field of psychology, psychotherapy and psychoanalysis. And that is actually kind of strange, because if you think about how many people experienced unrequited love and how painful that experience can be, then it should be a much more intensely researched subject than it is.

Image by Robb North via Flickr

One of the best studies on the subject of unrequited love psychology has been done by Dr. Roy Baumeister and Sara Wotman from the Case Western Reserve University.

Their study showed that almost 98% of the population suffered from unrequited love at one point in their life.

Although I think that number is questionable. I don’t think that many people really have suffered from unrequited love. I think many people confuse unfrequented love with being heartbroken. Being heartbroken is about having a crush on somebody who doesn’t have a crush on you. It’s painful, and everybody goes through it at one point in their life, but it’s much less intensive than experiencing unrequited love.

However, a more interesting finding is that unrequited love seems to be as painful for the person who is being persecuted and was being the object of unwanted desires as it is painful to the person who is in love and feels the affection.

People who are the targets of unrequited love often suffer from guilt, anxiety, bewilderment and anger towards the pursuer.

It’s interesting however that most of the time you reach romantic novel or polar watch a movie that is about a love story, if this unrequited love, the story is almost always told from the perspective of the person that is being pursued. From the perspective of the person wants and desires something so intensely but cannot get it. But if what the researchers say is true then there should also be movies about struggles and emotional pains of the person who was being pursued.

So I think its great that scientists are directing their attention to what’s this subject more than they did before, but I’m not so sure everything they say and think is a final truth.

You can read more about the science of unrequited love in an article of the New York Times titled: “Pain of Unrequited Love Afflicts the Rejecter Too”

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